Queen Sized Trauma

Last week, I went to CVS in the morning to get some nylons. First off, I had no idea where they are because I'm pretty sure the last time I bought nylons for myself was when I was in dance classes and I needed them for my recital. So I find the nylons, and realize there are way too many options... control top, control leg, control toe, sheer, nude, blah blah blah... and then I look at the back of the box and realize that I am right on that cusp between size "B" and "Q" (yeah, that stands for Queen, FML). However, based on my height and size, I fall into their "B" category, so that's what I get. Then I stand in line for what feels like hours because they have one cashier and the only people that go to CVS in the mornings are, apparently, me and 80 year old women. So I get to work and put all my stuff down and head into the bathroom to put on the nylons. I get them half way up my calf and I start to struggle. I am thinking, what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is going on here?! I check the box and it says "B", but it also says "sheer control" soemthing or other. I think oh hell, I'm not going to be able to put these things on. so I continue pulling these things up my legs in the opes that there is a little bit of give as I get them up over my thunder thighs. Unfortunately, there's not, so it feels like I'm getting my thigh amputated as I continue to struggle to fit into these demon hose. I finally get everything up over my ass and as I make one final pull, my thumb rips through the nylons and sends a run down to about my knee. Now, not only do I have a run in my brand new hose, but I have a large blob of inner thigh trying to escape through this new hole in the hose. I say fuck it and head back to my desk. I sit down, and the top of the nylons immediately rolls and starts to cut off circulation to my intestines and other vital organs in my lower abdomen. so the long and short of it... apparently I really am a Queen.

and so it begins. or ends?

on tuesday, july 6, 2010, I was at scrimmage practice for roller derby. we had a bout on saturday (my first real bout!) and it was a mandatory practice. it was running from 7:30p-9:30p. at 9:20p, I fell. and not just your run-of-the-mill-oh-gee-I-have-an-ouchie-on-my-bum type fall. My left foot caught on another skater (who was stationary at the time), my right foot kept moving (it was on wheels, after all), and my knees just buckled inward. in my right knee, I felt a pop. in my head, I heard, "fuck." [editor's note: it's ok. I still cringe when I run through the event in my mind. which I do. a lot. I think, what should I have done differently? I think, if I had worked harder the three weeks prior to that point, could this have been avoided? I think, what does this mean? but I digress.]

at 9:25p, I was laying on my back, knee pulled into my chest, scared to move it. it was a strange sensation. I didn't feel... pain. it was more the knowledge that something was seriously fucked up. I hadn't imagined that pop. it was real. but what happened? I have been playing organized sports for (24) years and have never had an injury. this was foreign to me. several other skaters were assisting me and eventually I had my leg straight, away from my chest, and I was off the track with the knee elevated, courtesy of my helmet. "oh, it's just a tweak, I'm sure. it'll just hurt for the next few weeks when you fall on your knees. just rest it and you'll be fine for saturday, but keep us posted."

at 9:45p, I was making my way home. my knee... I didn't know what to think. I just knew it hurt. and that I needed to get home and R.I.C.E. it.

on wednesday, july 7, I went to the walk-in clinic. when I'd woken up, my worst fears were confirmed. it was only getting worse. the "diagnosis" was "knee trauma with a possible ACL microtear" and I was told to go home and stay there for the next 48-72 hours. "if it still hurts on monday, come back in and we'll do some further testing on it." this was the realization that I would have to miss my first ever roller derby bout. I cried.

on monday, july 12, I went back to the walk-in clinic. I still couldn't fully straighten my leg and it hurt to walk on it (though I was using an ace bandage to help with the compression). I was using a cane to get around. I was told to stay home again for 24-48 hours, and that night, I went for an MRI.

on tuesday, july 13, I got the results from my MRI. I had a partial tear in the ACL and two partial tears of the MCL. I cried.

on thursday, july 15, I went to the orthopedic doctor. I spoke with the nurse practitioner. due to a mix-up with the radiologist's office, the CD with the MRI films weren't forwarded to the ortho's office. based on the written report, and my desire to continue to be active (even if derby isn't in my future), surgery was deemed the best option. however, the films may indicate a smaller tear than anticipated and thusly, no need for surgery. but we'll cross that bridge on friday at my follow-up appointment.

today is monday, july 19. I had my first physical therapy appointment. for the first time in almost two weeks, I was able to straighten out my leg to almost full extension. [editor's note: of course, not without a little bit of coaxing... I had heat on it for five minutes before.] after that, I bent my knee almost up to my chest. you know what that means? I can get better. did it hurt? fuck yes it did. was is worth it? absolutely.

I know that this is a long road. but I am prepared to tackle it. it's not always going to be easy, and I'm sure that das will want to kill me, or at least potentially cut off my leg, many times during this several month rehabilitation period. I'm sure that physical therapy will be harder some days than others. I know that I will be envious that other people can do things that I can't (yet).

and maybe people are right... and this IS life's way of saying to slow the fuck down.

as if you didn't know already...

I am a huge dork. I love video games; I love geeky science stuff; and yes, I love bowling. my birthday present this past year was going to the live nationally televised bowling championships (and yes, I was on TV with my amazing sign that my hubs made). it was awesome.

I have been in bowling leagues for a few years now, but it was always with das. he was the "bowler" and I relied on his expertise to guide me when things weren't working out well. he's the one who bought me a new ball (for the previous birthday) and really helped me in improving my game. I mean, with that ball, I was able to increase my average almost twenty pins. I was the most improved female bowler in last year's league, and ended up with the third highest average. I owe a lot of that to him.

but now. he has abandoned me. I'm left, alone, to try and figure out for myself, what I need to do to improve, or, at the very least, stay consistent. he's sticking with only one league this year... and of course, he's opting for the mens' league instead of the co-ed league that we were doing together. sure, I'm a little disappointed, but I think that maybe... it's exactly what I needed. I needed to make these decisions for myself. do I slow down my speed? do I move over a board or two? how do I adjust so that my ball rolls straighter?

I answered all of those questions last night. on my own. the first night of bowling... I called him. I said, "I can't do this." but this week... it was as though I was my own bowler. I actually improved over the course of the evening. I posted a 158-161-168 for the night. that's a 485 series. I'm now up to a 153 average after three weeks... and am getting back up to where I should be... where I was when I was bowling with das by my side, instructing me.

I am glad that my husband and I can share in geekdom love such as this. the family that bowls together, stays together, right? sure, I'll miss him on wednesday nights. but what I won't miss... is that dependency on his skill. because, baby, I've got my own. so watch out... here I come!

PS) also excited about the new ball I'm getting tonight. number one choice is the hammer black widow sting; second choice is the storm dimension. so we'll see how that goes... :D

fun things I can do...

...now that my basement doesn't retain water like pregnant lady. :)

> quilt

> organize my fabric and patterns and whatnot

> run around in circles chasing my dog

> plan how I'm going to decorate the basement

> store things (so that das will stop complaining about stuff being messy)

> play darts

ok, so it's not a ridiculously long list right now. we can't really do too much because we can't really afford to finish it. it'd be probably a grand or more just to put in a floating floor (which das and I could do). and we'd need to put in some different lighting, too, so that it's not just that typical basement lighting. you know... the light bulb with the pull string that's 400 feet long but made of some string that breaks when you look at it wrong so you end up having to lick your fingers and just screw the bulb on and off anyway. yeah, that kind. so overall... it'll probably be a while before anything major happens.

but at least in the meantime, das will be dry when he does the laundry. :)

happy passover!

since tomorrow night at sundown marks the first night of passover, I thought I would pass along a tasty treat (from my fav website king arthur flour) that I will be making for das's family's passover seder. I was asked to bring dessert. because of the dietary rules and regs of passover, that rules out anything containing flour, which is, for the most part, your cakes, muffins, pies... you know... anything potentially easy. so I bring to you a sweet dessert that you may even be putting together for those non-passover days, too: chocolate-dipped coconut macaroons!

for the macaroons:
> generous (5) c. shredded unsweeted coconut
> 1-1/2 c. coconut cream - (1) 16 oz can
> 1/4 tsp. salt
> optional: 1/2 tsp. coconut flavor (like vanilla, but coconut instead)
> optional: 1/3 c. coconut milk powder

for the coating:
> 1-1/2 c. semisweet chocolate chips
> 2-1/2 tb. margarine (butter is dairy and thus can't be consumed with meat)
> 2 tb. honey (recipe calls for light corn syrup, but that's not kosher - literally!)

directions:
> preheat oven to 350* - lightly grease a baking sheet or line one with parchment
> in a medium bowl, mix together coconut, coconut cream, and salt (if you are adding the coconut flavor, now's the time!). stir until completely combined.
> if you are adding the coconut milk powder, do it now. while it's not necessary to add this, it really holds the coconut balls together while scooping. it just makes life a touch easier!
> drop the sticky mixture in ping-pong sized balls (that's about 1-1/2") onto the baking sheets (a cookie scoop works well here so you don't have to touch it a lot). you can place them fairly close together on the pan (3/4" - 1" apart); they won't be expanding.
> bake for about (10) minutes. note: they won't brown (or very very very little at most) so don't keep them in there until they do!
> remove from oven and cool completely before coating.
> for coating: heat the chocolate chips, margarine, and honey until the chips are soft. try the microwave, or a saucepan on low heat. dip half of the cooled macaroon into the chocolate. set it back on the baking sheet and allow the chocolate to set.
> to store, place in one layer in a closed container. they should keep for 2-3 days, but that's only if they last that long...