oh hush up internet

what about the posting once a day, kt?

what about nablopomo, kt?

what about that, huh?

if you really want to know... I went overseas for a little vacation. it was supposed to be some sight-seeing... a really great opportunity to experience the quaint eastern european atmosphere. I got a fabulous rate at a local hostel. I remember some friends doing that and they had a wonderful time. so, of course, the plan was to enjoy some nightlife in addition to the exploring and hiking during the day. I went out to some clubs with some of the other guests from the hostel. by the time we got home, it was really late... and the next morning we realized that the guy from the room next to me never made it home. the woman at the front desk said he'd checked out, which was strange, but we didn't think anything of it. we went out again the next night and again, that morning, another guest had "checked out" but this time, some of his stuff was still there! it was all very strange and I was getting a bit freaked out. but, not one to let things get to me, we went out again the following night. I don't remember much after that... except when I had this really weird drink... and I woke up in this strange room... to this guy talking in what sounded like german... and he was wearing this thick leather slash vinyl apron and had a whole bunch of tools that looked eerily similar to those I've seen on the autopsy table from CSI: Miami. then he started yelling at me in german and he picked up one of the tools shaped like a dentist's plaque pick and...

wait. that's not what happened... that's a brief synopsis of the first hour of the movie 'hostel'. I'm sorry. I totally must have gotten my lines crossed. seriously... here's what really happened.

I traveled out to the family farm in iowa. das stayed back here in CT to take care of some work around the house and whatnot. my uncle and cousins were going to be heading out to the big state fair to show their animals, and I was going to hold down the fort since they'd be gone for a couple of weeks. I was having a great time... enjoying all the alone time... but then a wandering photographer stumbled upon the house. he looked like a weather-beaten, more-ragged version of clint eastwood. I fell instantly in love with him, even though I knew I would be seeing my husband soon. he told me he was a photographer for national geographic doing a graphic journey through the county. I followed him on his shoots, mostly of the local bridges, and thus began our torrid five-day love affair. it was an amazing time... and I didn't know if I'd be able to just open the door and allow myself to love him forever... but...

wait. I am SO sorry. I must be misunderstanding the task at hand... I'm intertwining my life with the movie "bridges of madison county" and making it fit for my personal circumstances. wow... I don't know what's wrong.

look... I do have a reason for slacking. I'm just kind of embarrassed by it. in reality... I've been trying to get work done. I've been trying to concentrate. it's just been very difficult. I mean, how am I expected to do *anything* when I know that victoria is coming for me. edward tried his hardest to save me... watch over me like a lioness and her cubs... but he's abandoned me knowing that it's safest to be away from me; from temptation. now I have to rely on jacob and his pack to keep me safe. I don't know if I'm going to even make it. my heart bleeds every day for edward; life without him is so real, so normal... jacob tries so hard to fill the void... but I'm not ready...

wait. what? you don't understand... (sigh) ok. ok. you got me. I'm just spouting out random plotlines from the 'twilight' series. the truest of the true stories... I've got nothing other than... I'm lazy. um, didn't you already know that? don't play like you're shocked. though I appreciate the effort.

life in a nutshell this week: twilight movie - parental visit - bowling - thanksgiving - stamping - tastefully simple - trans-siberian orchestra. perhaps... a blog or two. :)

why I may have lost my faith in a uconn education

overheard at last night's uconn mens' ncaa opening round soccer match:

boy: jeez. you don't know what jersey barriers are and you're from jersey?
girl: well, I suppose in new jersey... they would only call them barriers.

switching gears

I'm going to a quilting retreat this weekend at sunday river. I am ridiculously excited... just because I think I need it (mentally). and I have a lot to get done (quiltingly). well, there are two things in particular that need to be completed.

1. my round robin blocks for the kosher pickles
2. the wedding quilt for my friends... who'll be celebrating their one-year anniversary on monday.

I have some other projects, too, that I am bringing with me... but those are the major things that I need to finish. I'm also bringing some stamping, too, because I have a few cards that I need to make (namely b-day cards for my mom and dad whose birthdays were nov. 2 and oct. 25, respectively). we'll see how those end up. especially since my mom is going to be there with me. although... she's made cards for me while I've been sitting only five feet from her and just said, "ok... don't look at what I'm making." :) oh mom...

I'm also bringing "eclipse". I haven't had the chance to really start reading it... so I'm greatful for the opportunity. I've been able to escape in these books. it's enough fantasy so you know it's not going to happen... you're not that far out of reality... but enough of a realistic story line, generally speaking, that it leaves you longing for the relationship that bella has with edward. perhaps I'll have to pick up book four, too, while I'm home. :) I hear walmart has the lowest prices.

in other quilt-related news, I got an email from the maine quilts coordinator. she asked if I would be interested in working something out for doing the photography for next year's show... which honestly surprised me. I thought that I was going to be booted from the position given the lack of, well, interest that I showed for finishing anything up on time. but, she seems willing to give me another try. I'm concerned because I don't want to take on too much with my sign chair responsibilities plus the classes I want to take. I don't want her to regret her decision to try it again. however, I enjoyed doing it... I got to really see the show and it was fun. plus, there was a stipend, which helped pay for my room/board for the show. thoughts on what I should do? I have kind of made a decision, but I'm intrigued to hear what anyone else might have to say.

and speaking of maine quilts 2009... the teacher and class listing has been posted to the website. if you are in the area, take a peek at what is available... we've got some great instructors this coming summer. july 24-26 are the dates. come on up to augusta!! :) oh, and check out the photos that I took for maine quilts 2008, too! it took me long enough... I may as well tell people to look at 'em!

and the weekend after... the final weekend of july is the greater hartford quilt guild's quilt show. I haven't decided if I'll volunteer for anything, or just enter somethings... or just go to look for once. :) we'll see...

hello. my name is kt...

...and I am a sleepoholic.

ok. well... maybe I'm just projecting my larger issues onto my intense desire to sleep in. I guess I'm not really a sleepoholic, but if there was a name for it... I'd feel a little better about myself. it's a lot easier to say that I have am just built that way; I'm hard wired to crave the depths of dreamland. it's so much easier to say that than, "I'm lazy." or "I have no work ethic." or "I can't face another day." or my personal favorite... "I just don't give a shit."

my das, bless his soul, has tried to help me. it must be so hard for him to get through the random mental breakdowns that happen at 1am. the ones where I say that I'm no good... I've wasted the opportunities that were given to me... I could be so much more than I am. he's getting pretty good at it though. I mean, it's the same thing every time. because nothing ever changes. I hit the bottom (though I'm sure I could go lower)... I have a "revelation"... I cry... I say it's going to get better.

lather, rinse and repeat.

I'm far too tempted to give up. not from the grand expanse of life... goodness NO! I mean... that it's so much more comfortable to be... sad and miserable. putting on a happy face for the public, but "knowing" that deep down that I just can't do it for real. not for extended periods of time.

well. yes... I know I have a fantastic husband who supports me in everything that I do and loves me unconditionally and selflessly puts up with all my bullshit. and yeah, I know that even though my family's a little fucked up... they love me and miss me when I'm gone, which is almost always. I am aware that I have a roof over my head... OUR house that we bought and have made our home. my pets? I know they are the greatest ever. well, yeah, I have a job... it's not the greatest, but it occasionally challenges me mentally and I have gained the respect of my coworkers for my skill set. oh and my friends? they are many... and they love me... and as far as I know they'll always be there for me.

so what's your point? don't you realize that deep down I know I am lucky. I have a fabulous life. but it's not the life that I expected. I was supposed to be a scientist. I was supposed to be a medical examiner, even (until my dad talked me out of it because he said that profession had one of the highest suicide rates). I wasn't supposed to be on academic probation. I wasn't supposed to be kicked out of the honors program for low grades. I was supposed to go to graduate school. I am smart, damn it. I shouldn't be losing my edge at age twenty-seven (or earlier). so what the hell happened?

I make fun of das for not being able to accept change. but obviously it is I who cannot move past the past. so how do I do that? therapy? too expensive and I'm a bit jaded in the therapy department. drugs? I guess... but das is anti-drug and I'd like to respect his wishes. besides, I can barely remember to take my regularly scheduled meds as is... and my tum doesnt really like meds. aren't those my only two options? what else am I supposed to do. I need help. and I don't know where to go.

oh, and I think I know the name... it's called depressed. at least I think so. 'cause that's how I feel.

channeling my inner 17 year old

so. I was supposed to post yesterday. and I did have every intention of doing so. just like I had the intention to finish up my kosher pickles border exchange to mail out for today. and I was going to make my parents' birthday cards. and I was going to pack a little for the retreat this weekend.

but. I didn't. you can see that. this post reads... november 4th.

so let me tell you what I did do. I ran some errands (I heart target). put away the halloween decorations and costumes. packed up the crystal punch bowl with cups. organized the tailgating slash camping stuff and put that away. did three loads of laundry. made dinner (courtesy of a tasty quick recipe from storey).

then sat down to eat dinner... and read. that is the point in time when... I lost all track of time. when I zoned out to the fact that das's tum hurt and refused to eat dinner and fell asleep on the couch watching football. when I finally reached for the tea I'd fixed an hour before that had more than just cooled off. when I realized... holy crap... I am obsessed with this... this... TEEN LIT BOOK!

that's right... last night, I blew through book two of the twilight series. all five hundred pages of it. in four and three quarters hours. but I could not put it down. I couldn't force myself to put the bookmark in and go to bed. I needed to know what would happen to bella and edward and jacob and the whole cullen family. I felt as though I was there... walking through the washington woods with them... standing at the cold, windy beaches. my heart was breaking when theirs was; I was happy when they were. this series is as infectious as harry potter (and please forgive me for saying... but the british guys in both movies are smoking hot - don't deny your inner high schooler, you know I speak the truth). I am looking forward to going home so I can plop down and just start in on the next book. not that I can... I have stuff to do... but still.

I must get things done tonight... things that do not involve "eclipse". (sigh)

oh, and I have edward as my desktop at work. and I also can't wait for the movie. on november 21st. that's, like, sixteen days. but not that I'm counting. I'm not *that* obsessed.

yet.

nablopomo

say that five times fast. ready... go. :)

I've been slacking on my posting lately. it's been really hectic at work and home and blah blah blah excuses excuses. so... in a total fit of insanity... I decided to sign up for national blog posting month. thirty posts - thirty days. so... here's number one. it's not so glamorous, but I figure that it's just an intro post. (and also, it's a day late... so let's assume that november starts on the second for all intents and purposes).

if you need me, I'll be cursing myself for signing up to post every day. either that or reading my new obsession... "twilight" by stephenie meyer. or raking the forty-seven pounds of leaves that have been deposited on our lawn. or finishing up the border exchange that was due a week or two ago. or making my father's birthday card (for 10/25)... or my mom's birthday card (11/2). or crying over the amount of crap that I have to do... thusly failing to do any of it.

it's going to be an AWESOME november. :)